(or "Something of An Act Title...")
27.05.2014 - 27.05.2014 15 °C
This is a test.
When last we left our hero, it was two years ago - he had just staggered through the front door into the arms of his family, desperately needing a shower and clearly delirious - swearing that the meal he had at Denny's earlier in the evening was actually really good. He had just returned having spent three weeks on an adventure traveling across Australia - Sydney, Alice Springs, and a solo road trip across the Tanami Desert and back through the Kimberly to Darwin. Of course, we are applying the term 'hero' in a very generalized sense, providing you are OK with using 'hero' to refer to a man who spent his life-defining Australian voyage hanging out in graveyards, exposing himself to passing resort patrons, grossly misidentifying Australian spiders, and instilling terror into female airline passengers. So for our purposes we will simply analogize 'hero' and 'protagonist' and agree to disagree. My blog, not yours.
Flash-forward to two years later...two long years of staring of photos on the slideshow screensavers he set up not only at home, but also at *work*...two years of conversations that were consistently being steered in a direction that allowed some anecdote that begins with "oh, that's like when I was in Australia..." (shortly followed by less and less subtle eye-rolling)...two years of pining that eventually culminated in our hero's wife exclaiming in exasperation "just GO back! Please! Just shut up about the Kangaroo steaks!!!".
And so, two years after that fateful and awkward journey...we're going back to the Outback.
The map shows my intended route...and several alternatives, which is why just by looking at the picture you probably have no idea what I have planned. Allow me to explain - this trip basically is like the last trip. In fact, it starts off *exactly* like the previous trip. This trip is my "Hangover Part 2". The shitty made-for-TV sequel of my last 'once-in-a-lifetime' trip. Really, the whole thing is pretty much like the last trip with just enough details changed to evade a plagiarism lawsuit launched on behalf of myself. I'll be travelling down to Seattle, flying to LA, and then onward to Sydney...after which I fly to Alice Springs to pick up a rental 4WD camper. Sound familiar?
It's at that point we'll shake things up a bit. The 'act title' of this blog is "The Red Center and Great Western Deserts", and hence my ideal path will lead me through the mountains around Alice Springs (the "Red Center" bit), and then west along a road called the "Great Central Way" and finally - and this is the real point - to a long, lonely desert track called the "Gunbarrel Highway". No, it isn't a highway. I'll be lucky if it is wide enough in some areas for a single vehicle to pass through without having the gaudy Britz adverts on the side Freddy-clawed by the overgrown brush that lines the track.
However, for this all to work out, I need two major forces to cooperate - the weather, and Britz. If it rains even a bit within a week or so of my intended travel time, the Gunbarrel Highway will turn into pretty much the Water-Noodle Highway and I can kiss my plans goodbye. So...I'll be going with mitigation plans. If I can't take the Gunbarrel, I plan on continuing down the Great Central Way and using the extra time to head over to the west coast of Australia...at which point the blog will probably get renamed "The Red Center and Shitty Wet Rainy Wintery West Coast". Of course, if it rains over a wide enough area in the western deserts, then the Great Central Way may be out of the picture. So, I'll have two choices: travel north-west, west, and then south in what is surely to become "The I've Done Most Of This Already But At Least It's Warm But A Long Fucking Drive" blog. Failing that, for whatever reason, I'll be left with the only alternative, the "Driving South And I Have No Real Idea Where I'm Going Because I Didn't Prepare For Plan D" blog. That one will be a blast, I'm sure!
Well, let's hope for the best, and stop thinking about it. I have a little over 36 hours before I leave home and drive towards the Emerald City, so I'll stop here...having really said nothing about Australia so far. If you've read this far, you're part of the problem, really.
Thanks for coming along. I'm sure it's going to be fun.